On that note, I'll just share a bit about living in Billings these past 9 months. It's been really hard to assimilate to another way of life. Mainly one where I live with my in-laws and am surrounded by them all for the first time in my marriage. In no way is that a bad thing; it is just different. Chris' parents are absolutely wonderful and have put up with a lot from us living here. Mainly: Aubry. She is both a blessing and a two year old terror rolled into one. I can't tell you how many walls she's written on, or messes she's made on their nice carpet. And finally, the potty training catastrophes. And through it all, they have been really awesome about it.
As I live in a completely different area with people I've never met, I've really come to learn more about myself. I think, mainly, I've come to realize that I am not really a social person anymore. Before Aubry, things were definitely different and I was way more willing to go out in public, meet new people and friends and let my life have that focus. But now....I have to say that I am becoming a real grump to regular people! And by far the worst of it is I can't seem to stand people making small talk at me!
How bad is that? When the lovely person behind the bank counter tries to engage in a conversation while she's getting me money, I'm completely silent and more than likely, impatient with her. It's actually very embarrassing when I finally realized what I was doing. It's probably why it has taken almost six months to get a calling in church, and why they have never asked us to speak:) Sort of a boon when I think about it.
I've thought about it a lot and as annoyed as I get when there is someone constantly filling the silence with some inane chattering, I think that I have a reason to be annoyed. Silence is not in any way evil or rude or any of those other things. I find that silence lets me focus my thoughts so that when I do finally speak, I am not filling the air with pointless words. I am actually contributing to a /conversation/. You can never unsay something, but you can say something with meaning if you give yourself half a chance.
I've been guilty of this many times in the past and I know that some of you will recognize this. I call it, The Narrator Syndrome. It's when you, or someone in your general area, has a constant running commentary on their every move.
"I'm gonna go grab that thing."
"In a minute, I'm going to do, such and such."
"I heard that song again on the radio and it's stuck in my head."
"And then I laughed, like, really hard." After laughing really hard....
And my eternal favorite, "I'm gonna run to the bathroom."
Now, sometimes these phrases serve a purpose. But more often than not, they are an unnecessary silence filler. I hate it when I find myself doing this, mainly because I can almost hear everyone else's thoughts in the room going, "Why is she telling us this?"
I am of the opinion that if someone really wants to know what you are doing at that exact moment, they will certainly ask you. And then you are free to fill the void with conversation. Don't forget that people are observant creatures. They are probably noticing what you are doing when you actually do it. Don't be afraid to do something without telling someone you are about to do it. It is an interesting experiment, and often times I find myself having much more meaningful conversations with someone when I am not trying to fill the silence with my constant yammering:)
I'm hoping to use this space to vent a little, rather than venting on Facebook. I swear, that site is home of the biggest whiners on the planet, using their social feed as a way to justify their annoyances and validate their lives. And yes, I am one of those guilty people and I fully realize that I am using this blog to serve that same purpose. However, this will not appear on my friends walls, and only those who wish to read it, will. And if no one does? I'm actually okay with that too:)
